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“Cruel” – Nayana Nair

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I always had a sense of entitlement
when it came to dreaming of a lover.
That there would be someone
who puts me first.
But I realized with time
sometimes you have to be that someone
who puts others first.
That was such a terrifying and distressing thought.
And suddenly all these heroes
became somewhat out-of-the-world, larger-than-life
someone I can never be.

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To realize the pain
it must have taken
to scrap down their lives
for the sake of a person
whose love can’t be trusted or guaranteed.
How one must endure their own foolishness.
How one must look away from our own self.
Knowing all the while
that all this, built
by sacrifices,
can be broken in no time
with one word of hers,
that can end your suffering
and renew your struggle.
That there is no way out.
To cling
or to leave.
And to suffer each minute
no matter what you choose.

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It seemed so tiring
It seemed so cruel
to ask someone for that.

“Midnight Call” – Nayana Nair

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There is somewhat
a hesitancy in me
to I pick up the call
at midnight.
The ring sounds different.
It has a shaky sound
immitating the hands
that must be struggling to hold
phone in the very hand
through which countries of stories
have slipped into darkness.
Leaving behind
this person
who must feel like a character
who has lost his story.
And I am afraid
I can’t offer him
the words that can build up his life back,
that can calm his chaotic breathing,
and shuddering heart.
I can’t do it.
Because I was once on the other side
and my hands are still shaking.
I turn around in my bed all night
trying to reassure the only heart
that I can heal.

“You need me” – Nayana Nair

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To some extent
I think
I always knew
that there must be something in your heart
that resists my presence.
Which is in conflict
whether in flesh or in soul
because of me.
And still craves more of me.
I think your heart never got used to me.
It just got used to resisting me.
You just need my presence in your life
to maintain the state of chaos and struggle
that has now become your natural habitat.

hurt

“Know my place” – Nayana Nair

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I will let you have your way
and stand at the corner,
as I always have,
and struggle to
know my place in your life.

“Part of me” – Nayana Nair

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A part of me is always detached from my life,

from this world.

It is aware of everything,

it knows, but is unaffected.

As if this pain, is not mine

but someone else’s.

Or worse, it acts as if there is no pain.

It knows that I am crying

but doesn’t understand why.

It looks at these concepts.

Concepts of happiness, sadness, jealousy,

struggle and whatnot.

But these are just ideas for it.

Ideas that do not matter.

It believes that the fire I play with

can burn me, but not ‘it’.

It’s reality is different than mine.

This part of me just observes this life

as it passes by

and refuses to participate.

The only thing it does understand is that

We are here.

And how wonderful it is

to witness the beauty, this life is.

It only understands the beauty of the ruin,

our life is headed to.

abandoned

FRIENDSHIP.

(Image taken from  theredboa.blogspot.com)

Last night I got a message from an old friend of mine. The message said,” How would you define friendship?” Well, the question was followed by exchange of many sms

Which at last concluded to the point, that there is no so called a rigid definition of friendship. Its worth and its meaning are too deep to be expressed in a few words.

But, the question lingered in my mind, what is friendship? It was not an attempt to define it rather to understand its nature…Some say “Friends are those people who have the same enemies as you do”…seems right to an extent. But it never matched my case. Most of the friends I made were at a time when I was new to place and had no chance of having an enemy. I never had an enemy…I always made one. So this justification was eliminated.

Then in a book I read “Friends are people who make you happy”. Well that seemed to fit in a bit. You probably won’t make friend with a person who doesn’t make you feel good. Whenever we remember about old friends of ours, we always remember the happy times, the times when they helped us and the times we helped them. We always felt good around them. We can be ourselves around them. They don’t judge us, and we can fool around with them like small child and no one would object. Being around them gives us the freedom, we don’t get in other relations.

But what I really think it is not just the freedom we get around being friends..I consider my friends important as they are related to me by my choice…not like blood relation that are dependent on your fate….you are with them by your own will…you can leave them at any time…you can stay with them….there is no compulsion…their fate is not related to you…if they get thrown out of job, you won’t suffer…if they fail in exams..you may get sad for them but still, it doesn’t affect your life….just like 2 person who meet during a journey..spend sometime with each other and leave but still remember each other…..they love us although it’s not compulsary…they cry with us although our grief won’t affect their life…they are happy at our success although their live are in ruins….they have no selfish reason to stay with us..still they stay..through thick and thin…we may be crazy..but they don’t mind….i don’t think people , atleast me, make friends with someone just because they are intelligent..or beautiful..or funny….

God just send some angels for us …knowing how much we are struggling in life …and how difficult it is to fight this battle  of life alone…When the angels come into our lives..they take away our pain….the battle turns into a journey, a beautiful journey…which you never forget for your whole life…when you look back those would be the only moments in life when you really lived your life….and looking back on the memory lane we can’t imagine a life without these angels…as if they were meant to be part of our lives….who says angels don’t exist….i believe in angels..i’ve seen them….those angels are my friends. My Best Friends.

(Image taken from friendship-cards.blogspot.com)

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