“The Year of Frost Starts” – Nayana Nair

You walk in with a cake of rust,two hours late.You kiss me ,wait for me to smile,to say thanks,to make another offering of myselfat your shrine. You tell me of love,the only love that you cannotget out of your heart.This love that suffocates you these daysmore than before.How my face asks for too much,even whenContinue reading ““The Year of Frost Starts” – Nayana Nair”

“I let him drive” – Nayana Nair

I roll down my windowhoping for the first timethat I knew how to driveso that I wouldn’t have a confused witnessto my impulse of moving forward by a mileand falling down by a heartbeat. “Is everything alright?”,he asks me too often.I don’t bother to calm him down by saying ‘yes’as I was doing an hourContinue reading ““I let him drive” – Nayana Nair”

“Now playing: the ominous names you are yet to know, yet to resent” – Nayana Nair

I board the train that I couldthinking,only thinking about the one I couldn’t.There are only tunnels, only darkness,no network,only cold metal that I rest my headhoping for my fever to come down,only windows that turn into mirror. In those momentary mirrorsI always look like someone on life support.In the crowd that no longer suffocates meIContinue reading ““Now playing: the ominous names you are yet to know, yet to resent” – Nayana Nair”

“to the one who loved everything true” – Nayana Nair

the truth isi have loved youmore than what my heart could take. for yearsthe only moment i loved myself, felt proud of myselfwere the ones where i put my better judgement in the drain,were the ones where i clinged onto you even as you made me cry,were the ones where i suffocated and killed myContinue reading ““to the one who loved everything true” – Nayana Nair”

“The Scale of 1 to 10 (part 1)” – Nayana Nair

#the feelings that I can’t own The nature of regrets that I have in my heart, the flowers that grow at the end of this knife, the watches that have run out of battery but pretend to have stopped time. I have so much space in me for things like these. I have so manyContinue reading ““The Scale of 1 to 10 (part 1)” – Nayana Nair”

“My place in this cruel landscape” – Nayana Nair

when i stood in front of the respected uncaring adultswho could never see me, beside the fickle-minded fun-seeking friendswho smoked ‘idgaf attitude’ every night, holding the handsof the demanding demeaning frightening voiceof the one i wanted to love,the one i almost loved, i knew how to smile.i knew how to let them off the hook.iContinue reading ““My place in this cruel landscape” – Nayana Nair”

“Beyond Repair” – Nayana Nair

At some place in my life I realized that I was ruined beyond repair. And when I was done with all the crying, with all the cursing, and being therapist to the girl that I was . I grew up enough to know, that even if I can’t be what I was, I can stillContinue reading ““Beyond Repair” – Nayana Nair”

“Hobby”- Nayana Nair

My hobby is to find an unclaimed space in myself and then try to color it. Because I am bored. Because I have trouble that are taking up much more spaces and this is the only space left for me in my own life. And here I create, I paint my desperation, self-doubt on theContinue reading ““Hobby”- Nayana Nair”

“Stuck in roles” – Nayana Nair

My mother was not always my mother She was someone else before I was her child. Can we ever admit to our self that our parents are also still children, who have to act as adults. Cause there is no other option and they are stuck in their roles and we want them to remainContinue reading ““Stuck in roles” – Nayana Nair”