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“Better Understanding” – Nayana Nair

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Her fingers brushed past my skin,
in a hurry to avoid what I am.
As if she knew what to avoid, what not to remind,
what must not be spoken – for the love to remain.

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Only after I learnt to let my footsteps
be taken by the waves,
only after taking myself out
of every unsolved equation-
I knew enough of world to know
the scent of tears on her face,
even when her happiness was believable enough.

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Once her fingers had brushed past my skin
in a hurry to avoid being found
as if she knew all places to hide, what not to show,
what not to be – for love to remain.

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“Escaping My End” – Nayana Nair

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I try to take out this poison
of my thoughts
drop by drop from my blood.
My blood, that doesn’t want to be red.
My thoughts, that don’t want to be rational.
My pain, that doesn’t want to dull.
And the more papers I fill,
the more I am convinced
there is no other way I could live.
That I am surely escaping my end
by keeping my sobs on different lines,
on different pages.
By dividing the oceans, the sorrows
that were intent on drowning me.

“Exceed” – Nayana Nair

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I try to hold back my tears
so as not to exceed the amount of space
I am allowed to take in this world.

“Remain the Same” – Nayana Nair

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With every step that I take towards you,
a part of me crumbles down to dust.
Sometimes it is my smile,
sometimes it is my fear.
And yet when I am so close to you,
when I have proved my love for you,
I cannot ask you to do the same.
I fear when you loose all that I have lost,
would you be still remain the person you were.
Would you still be that light,
which could pull me out of the rubble
of my own broken world?

“Lovable Beings” – Nayana Nair

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The familiar images of a girl with strength
and a guy with heart
and feelings that can be reasoned.
I found them everywhere in stories
but not in life.
Mostly they were just weak people
who learnt how to live with their heart.
And loved and let themselves be loved
with the faults that they had.
Here
people who were – what they were.
No love or devotion
promising to change them into lovable beings.
Especially when ‘lovable’ was defined
by people who didn’t approve certain lives
and certain love.
And the perfect image of love
and notion of the perfect people who deserved it
made me think of the emotions we cut from our heart.
Leaving us little more empty,
taking us a little more far
from the perfect life that we were told to have.

“Leave my heart behind” – Nayana Nair

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I would welcome you into these
arms to cry out your grief,
however small.
If only I could leave my bitter heart behind
that only wants to be consoled
and never wants to care for anyone else.
That only looks at the world
to look for a face
who would take the blame for what it suffered.

“Another Candle” – Nayana Nair

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I have been awake since the storm started.
My eyes won’t close
from the fear of losing this world.
Even if, all this world gives me
is reason to hide,
reason to lay awake.
Sometimes enduring a storm.
Sometimes waiting for it.
I light another candle
to burn away my sleep.
I light another part of me
to burn away my awareness.
I light all the roads
that I will never take.
All I can do is stay awake
and wait for the inevitable.

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