“This is my thrashing around. This is my thank you.” – Nayana Nair

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Ice floats and ships sink
but the absolutes end here.
For this red sun, that seems
to sink together with us all,
is just playing a kind game.
It is will be fine. Just fine.
It will pretend to die
just for our sake.
Just like how it pretends to be born
so that we don’t feel alone.

It doesn’t know yet, that we feel lonely
in spite of that. That there are things in life
that can make us forget, that can cancel
the sunshine and the storms. There are soft things
that gets trodden upon,
there is a kindness that we can’t value as humans
because it doesn’t come from the one we want.
There are things with weight and never leave our heart-
Like love, like death, like subjective harshness of this world.
Like the unnamed thing eating our dreams,
Like the unmanned vehicle of luck running over us-
leaving us alive everytime.
The friend who forgets us so often
that we believe that we are ghosts, the rain of care
that we try to predict in the eyes of cold lover,
the floating bodies that we can’t recognize.
But we cry and in our tears we feel the remains
of the memory that we can’t access.
we only feel we must cry or we will regret.

So dear sun
forgive us if we don’t return your smile
as we thrash around breathless in water,
as we demand answers in a voice weathered by tears.
Forgive us if we forget
that unlike us you will probably die alone.
Things get forgotten
important things like you and the other members
of your life-filled-lifeless club.
That’s just how we are
but we realize it sooner or later what they were.

I can recall the days when i knew you tried to save me.
You almost succeeded. You were beautiful
even when my life was not. But even that helps.
Thank you.
We may not say it that much, but we have written a lot about you
in the papers you’ll never read.
I hope when you die the papers that are filled with your beauty
can burn to give you a few more breaths.
I hope it helps even though it won’t.

“Your embrace keeps this world together” – Nayana Nair

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This moment
of you wrapping your heart,
your warm sound around my existence,
around this body that will sooner or later
yearn for you
even when it lies buried in soil.
This moment
is all I want to be made up of.
This heart of mine races
and stops and tears itself down
only for you
and I would not have it any other way.
This world
where my shadow gets to rest with you
is my only heaven, is my only home.

“to the one who loved everything true” – Nayana Nair

the truth is
i have loved you
more than what my heart could take.

for years
the only moment
i loved myself, felt proud of myself
were the ones where i put my better judgement in the drain,
were the ones where i clinged onto you even as you made me cry,
were the ones where i suffocated and killed my brain with only your thoughts.

so as you put an end to all that we were
and as i learn to hate you with honesty,
somewhere in me, i know that this end
is what i desperately needed.
this was the peace
that i would have never granted myself.
thank you.

“Shopping in the HATE section” – Nayana Nair

should i thank you
for becoming the faceless stranger
that i dread the most?

you are the new voice inside my head.
less of a voice, more of a threat.

how should i make you happy?
how can i shut you up?-
is all i think about.
i want to grow up
and grow out of this mind
that can’t take even this shallow critique.
but i can’t.
how can I confront you
when you may actually be correct about me?

what should i do?
remain a nothing till your attention shifts?
learn to cry without being bashed for my weakness?

but at least I am glad I am not your type,
that I am not the excuse
you would use to pull someone else down.

so goodbye “the embodiment of my self-doubt”
thank you giving me another grief to write about,
for speaking your mind and taking away my voice.

“You are more than love” – Nayana Nair

Thank you for seeing
my rough and the jagged mind,
blood running down my arm,
hope running out of my eyes.

–

Thank you for trying
and for telling me
when you couldn’t try anymore.
You have made me feel
that I also deserve decent goodbyes.

–

You cannot love me.
I could have loved you,
though I didn’t.
But it is fine.
Call me at the end of a tiring day,
when you cannot move one step further,
I will try to soothe your heart
just like you did.

Black Cat Blue Sea Award

So this month I got my second blogging award (yipee…). So happy. 🙂

I don’t think I will ever be able to handle the awards calmly. My only reaction is and can be hysterical happiness and excitement. (I guess I am too childish 🙂 )

I came to know yesterday that fauxcroft has nominated me for Black Cat Blue Sea award. I am so so thankful for that. I am happy that my blog crossed you mind while listing the nomination

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https://fauxcroft.wordpress.com/2016/09/28/black-cat-blue-sea-award/

What is the Black Cat Sea Award?

“This is for bloggers who strive to write for everybody and no matter how many viewers they get make an impact on the reader. This award is an expression of gratitude to the nominee. It should be awarded to anybody that you choose deserves it and it doesn’t mean that they must have hundreds of followers and likes” – Ella

The Rules

1. Anyone nominated can nominate eight other bloggers.
2. The nominees answers 3 questions posed by the nominator.
3. The questions you ask while nominating can be any 3 questions
4. If any of the questions asked are offensive or the nominee simply does not want to answer, the nominee does not have to answer them to earn the award

And…the questions….

1. What are your all time 5 favourite quotes.
2. If you had a different name, would you be a different person
3. What is your favourite music/song? please give me a link to listen to your faves!

Answer Time 🙂

1. Five Favorite Quotes:

“More tears have been shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones.” -Truman Capote

“What a treacherous thing it is to believe that a person is more than a person” – John Green (Paper Town)

“Moment after moment, I will seize my wrist and beg the violence of my pulse to cease”- mentalexotica.wordpress.com

“Man is like a goat tied to a pole. Meaning all of us have some free will but not too much. One shouldn’t judge oneself harshly”-Arvind Adiga (Last Man in Tower)

“Here in the dark I sit, I who so loved the sun”-Robert Service William (The Sightless Man)

2. If I had a different name , maybe I would have been different person. Not so sure. My name is Nayana . Alternate spelling in India for same name is ‘Naina’. And there have been some characters in certain Bollywood movies with that name. And most of them coincidentally have similar personality..studious, serious, cheerful at heart, most have specs (And obviously in all these stories, there comes along a hero, that makes her realize how fun can life be..and suddenly there is a total personality change..).

So, I am somewhat like that (minus the good looks, god was not so generous on me 🙂 ). And above that there have been very beautiful songs on my name…So I just love my name 🙂

3. Favorite songs (and their links)

Since my favorite song list is too long, I am trying to name here only the ones that are coming to my mind right now.

Tum Ho (from Rockstar) (Hindi)

Malare (Premam) (Malayalam)

Innum Konjam Neram (Maryan)(Tamil)

Lost Stars- Adam Levine (Begin Again)

Words- Passenger

 

My Nominees:

https://mentalexotica.wordpress.com/

https://poetgirlem.wordpress.com/

https://randomsbyarandom.wordpress.com/

https://thepoetrychannel.wordpress.com/

https://jehonathaqi.com

https://lauriesnotes.com/

https://pathsofthespirit.wordpress.com/

Once again, fauxcroft thank you so much for nominating me for this award.

Edited info on 25 Nov, 2016:

How Useful It Is nominated me for this award on Nov 8, 2016. Thanls a lot for nominating me for this award. Very glad that my blog crossed your mind.

https://howusefulitis.wordpress.com/2016/11/08/the-black-cat-blue-sea-award/

Since I have got this award already. I will be answering her questions here.

1) Do you blog because you love to write or because you love to read?

I love to read more than writing. So, reading blogs of all you wonderful people is the actually more interesting that writing itself.
2) Do you want to meet any of your blog friends in real life? or keep it virtual?

I am not so sure of that. I am not good with people. But, yes, I think it would be nice to meet some of you.
3) How many social medias do you join to support your blog?

None. I have not yet joined any social media to support my blog. One of primary reasons would be that I prefer that people who know me in actual life don’t see my blog (exceptions are there), so I try not to promote my blog. But I do give a link of it on some sites, just because I am too proud of having this blog. 🙂

Thank you once again for nominating me.