that is the soft tree
made of sheep
from my dreams
that i told you about.
the one from which blood drips
the moment i find
the warm back of sleep.
there beside it
is the ink i never used.
i couldn’t bring myself to say.
it is a cloud now.
it is now rain
or rather a promise of rain.
so it is safe.
it is a reliable source for thirst.
it will stay there for an eternity.
it will only grow more.
it will probably
be the measure of my life.
it will be there
this faithless temple,
filled with hollow books,
this smoke that leaves my body
as i burn again.
overlooking this farm
blessed by the hands of time,
where all the food i couldn’t stomach,
everything of this world
that i couldn’t accept
grows back again from the soil
for me to see.
sit here beside me
i will show you the world
that i am doomed to see,
since you want to know me.
see there, all that
was there in me
before i created new doors
in this world for you.
all this will remain with me
when you are gone.
and you will be gone
you just don’t know it yet.
I left my thirst in your well-
the only way to get rid of it,
get rid of it I must.
For three seasons I filled it up with dirt.
I waited for rains to hide my steps, to hide what I have done.
I built few hills every time you crossed my thought.
I built it with love. I built it with anger.
I built it nonetheless.
I prayed and prayed till I couldn’t see your ghost,
till praying didn’t hurt.
I grew up a little and I grew mad a bit.
The sound of fate now rings louder in my head.
I lay on the ground,
smile at the sun
that cannot reach my heart
at the bottom of your well.
and this sad premise is not a commentary
on how rotten the world is
but an observation
that we have a pattern that is hard to break.
that people often misinterpret the habit of one thing
as a proof of its superiority over everything else in world.
that words can move your heart,
sometimes for worse.
it can move you towards hatred, towards fear
towards anger that is not your own.
that the wish to be right
makes us forget how to wear someone else’s shoes
or their color or their nationality or their body.
a body that is no longer their own – now that
they are just a sack of blood, a sacrifice
to please our personal gods – our thirst of power
and the “better world” that no one else wants.
this sad premise is not a commentary
on how rotten the world is
for i do not have the courage to write the worst
or to imagine how i am right now walking
over faceless nameless beings to maintain my world
just like you.
I saw you
soft as the clouds of heaven.
I felt you
covered in the condensed drops
of love that the whole world breathes out.
And I hated you for it.
I saw your skin marked with me.
I saw the cracks in your smile
covered in my kisses.
I saw my reflection in your heart
that was made for my thirst.
I saw my heart.
I saw what hid there.
I saw the storm that never calms.
I saw the poison that has no color.
I saw your eyes become the clouds,
I saw it rain.
I saw you tremble as earthquake
that tries to contain itself.
I saw you make your home
in my storm.
And I hated you for that.