I have prayed for something
that will never be granted.
I have decided
never to be happy with anything else but that,
no one else but you,
no other life but the one I vowed to live without.
I have decided to suffer pointlessly.
It suits me well, this punishment.
It suits me well, this path
that goes back to all the beautiful places,
all the innocent people and feelings that
I starved and hurt for the sake of an easy life.
I want this sadness that dissolves in me,
that never goes away,
never stands apart from me,
never looks me in the face with questions
or even answers.
I am ready to take vow with this heartbreak
as long as it feels like you,
promises eventually to replace you,
as long as my love is greater than you.
I do nor have to miss you,
call you, beg you,
force myself to forgive you,
hate you silently,
or practice breaking with grace.
I do not have to do things
that have nothing to with love
as long my sadness is mine alone.
I can bear this and more
as long as I remember my genuine heart
and not you.