“How Easily”-Nayana Nair

umbrella-street-city-night-light

The rain has left
leaving behind puddles
and mud sticking to the sole of my clean clean shoes.
But this muddy road I walk on
it glistens like diamonds
under the streetlight.
And picture seems more beautiful, feels more beautiful
than what I expected it to be.

flowerr

 Slowly my eyes, absorb this picture
and it dawns on me.
How lovely it is
to walk alone
on this road,
to feel the cold and dampness,
to feel the drizzle,
with the curtain of dark night hanging on this cityscape
and the land illuminated in orange light.

flowerr

I realize how easily
we can forget about the things we love
or used to love.
And how easily they will creep back
into our heart
when we least expect.

rain

The Mystery Blogger Award

mystery

It seems I am getting lots of award this year. 🙂

So I have been nominated by Wanderlust and How Useful It Is for The Mystery Blogger Award. Thanks a lot for remembering my blog. 🙂 They have wonderful blog, do visit.

kji

In the words of Okoto Enigma, the creator of this award, this is what this award stands for:

WHAT IS MYSTERY BLOGGER AWARD?
“Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging; and they do it with so much love and passion.
– Okoto Enigma

kji

RULES
1.Put the award logo/image on your blog (done)
2.List the rules.(done)
3.Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.(done)
4.Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well (done)
5.Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
6.You have to nominate 10 – 20 people
7.Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog
8.Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify)
9.Share a link to your best post(s)

kji

3 things about me:

I never accept my mistake (even though I know it is my mistake)

My kidneys are probably going to fail in future, cause I don’t feel thirsty (94% of time) and I forget to drink water.

I love ice-creams (who doesn’t)

kji

Questions from  How Useful It Is:

1) What do you like to do most this time of year?

Nothing special. The same old routine :reading books, watching series and waiting for weekends.
2) Have you already plan for how many books you will read next year?

No plans. I rarely plan about how many books to read. But I assume I may be able to read minimum of 30 books next year.
3) What is your #1 goal next year?

Get a driving licence.
4) Are you happy with the direction your blog is heading?

Yes, pretty happy. I never thought that this blog would last this long. (I am too surprised that it did). And to have such good feedback from all of you guys is really amazing. Thanks a lot for your support.
5) Weird: What extreme do you go to take care of books you own?

The extreme thing I do is to never lend my books to others. And it breaks my heart to say ‘no’ to someone who is showing interests in the books that I love. But sadly, I still say ‘no’. 😦

kji

Questions from  Wanderlust:

1. HOW do you eat your chicken? (e.g., skin first, then the meat or both at the same time, or meat first… idk, be honest okay?)

I don’t really like eating chicken. 😦 But I think I prefer pieces with more fiber rather than the chewy ones. I don’t know whether it makes sense, but I don’t know terminology for chicken explanation. 🙂

2. If you were to get stuck in an island all alone, would you wish for company or just leave the island and get back to the noisy place you call home?

I would rather be home. I don’t like being stuck anywhere. Better idea would be to send all noisy people to that island, so I can be at my home, in peace.

3. If you were given a chance to create your monster, what would it be and what would you call it?

Monster..hmm..tough question. Maybe a monster that could fly and will give me ride to places I want to go, without being stuck in traffic. I am not sure about the name though.

4. When walking, do you put your right foot or left foot first?

Never payed attention to that. Right now I tried walking, and I put my right foot. I think it must be right foot.

5. What do you think happens to the cockroaches when they die?

They don’t die. They pretend to die. That is what I think happens.

kji

Link to my best post:

kji

Nominating: (Not complying strictly with this rule, just nominating people I can think of)

Jehona Thaqi

JB McPayne

extremesofunknownshadows

renxkyoko’s space

Eyes + Words

Scribbled Verse

Mused into the thoughts

kji

Questions:

  1. What is your current favorite song?
  2. Most rude you have ever been?
  3. One silly superstition that you actually believed in as a child?
  4. One word that you use most in conversation?
  5. What is one good thing and a bad thing about getting awards?

kji

Wanderlust and How Useful It Is. Thank you once again for nominating me. Thanks a lot.

kji

Edited info on 31 Jan, 2017:

Shrushti nominated me for this award on 22 Jan, 2017. Thanks a lot for nominating me. Do visit her wonderful blog.

Here’s a link to the post:

https://wordsbyshrush.wordpress.com/2017/01/22/the-mystery-blogger-award-what/

Since I have got this award already (and I am not being vain/proud here), I would be directly jumping to Q/A part (since everything else would approximately same 🙂 )

So here are the questions from Shrushti:

>>What does a happy day in your life look like? Tell me.

A happy day in my life would be: to wake lie in bed reading novel in morning while it’s raining outside, to eat mom’s food, to spend time with my sister, cousins and friends, to watch a beautiful movie, to go somewhere where no one knows me and to roam around aimless around the city (if someone could guarantee me my safety too), to take a stroll at midnight. I don’t need all of these things to have a happy day. If I get even one of them in a day, that is enough.

>>What is one thing you wish you could say to your best friend/ person you love that you haven’t been able to?

I would like to tell them, how much I appreciate and love them everyday. Even if I may not show it. I would like to tell them how they have made my life better just by being there. I would like to thank them for tolerating and loving me back, even though I know it would be hard on them to do so.

>>Would you rather be a child again for a week or be able to take a peak into your future life for 5 mins?

I would rather be child again for a week. I don’t want to know my future. I always dread these scenarios in stories where a character can know something about future. Especially if it about themselves. It is kind of scary. Till I am oblivious to my future, there is hope, there is infinite possibilities that could fill up the years awaiting me. Knowing how it is going to turn out would be disappointing and scary.

>>Have you ever had writer’s block? How do you think one can overcome it?

I have writer’s block all the time. How I respond to it, totally depends on my mood.

There are times I can’t write, and I just let it be, I won’t be writing for months. It doesn’t bother me that much. I believe, writing is to a large extend reflecting on life. But it somehow distances me from life. If I am observing something, I can’t enjoy it. So sometimes I prefer to forget about writing for a long time.

But there are times when I desperately want to write, but I can’t. It feels similar to thirst. But not being able to quench it. In those cases, I just write any rubbish I can on paper: which can range from, what I see right now, about what I am doing recently, it kind of starts as a diary, but at end something in my mind switches and I don’t feel that that was ever a block.

>>Have you done anything out of your comfort zone recently? What was it and how did it feel?

Yes, I think so. I have taken up a job that is not at all suitable for me. It continuously puts in positions/scenarios that I have dreaded all my life. Every morning I wake up, and try to find a way to escape it. But still I end up going to work, try to do my job with utmost sincerity, even if it makes me uncomfortable. But it doesn’t feel that bad. Because, now I have relatively more free time to myself, and can spend my time of all things I wanted to do. So I do not completely resent my work, but yes, it does feel uncomfortable. But the way I am trying to look at it is, by the end of this ordeal I would become a better version of myself, I would be able to endure more in life, if nothing else.

kji

Edited on 15 Jan 2018

Tanvir nominated me for this award on May 18, 2017 (my bad for realizing it so late and giving such a late response). Thanks a lot for nominating me dear. It means a lot that my blog crossed your mind. Also I would like to thank you for all the likes and comments that you have provided for so many of my post. It makes me really happy to know what you think of my poems.

So here is the link to the post:

https://myexpressionofthoughtsblog.wordpress.com/2017/05/18/the-mystery-blogger-award/

So here are my answers to the question posted (I will skip rest of the things due to the reasons mentioned above in the post):

>>Which of your friends you are proud of? Why?

I am proud of almost all my friends, as I have very few to begin with. They are all doing the best in life and are nice people. And I believe, in this world, being nice and staying nice, is something really difficult to do. And I look up to them for that. (I am not a very nice person, in fact I can be pretty mean 🙂 )

>>Which accomplishment you are most proud of?

My blog. This is the only thing I have being doing consistently and not quit on. This is a miracle for me that I have lasted this long, since I try to avoid attention in any form and have reaalllly low self-confidence. That’s mostly the reason I end up quitting most of stuff. Yeah so I am still writing is a really huge thing for me.

>>Who is your best and worst teacher? Why?

I had a teached in fifth grade- Rita Sisodia. She was pretty cool. She was out maths and english teacher. In higher classes she was our maths teacher only. But she was such a lovely person. She used to teach so well. She had such awesome personality. I was so impressed by her.

Worst teacher…I have had quite a long list of bad teachers. And since I have changed many schools (since my father used to get transferred to different cities in India due to his job). I realized that there are many teachers who have lot of knowledge about the subjects they teach, but are not good at expressing themselves well or do not know to make the other person understand the same. But they are not bad teacher. They just don’t have talent to teach. But bad teachers are those who really don’t care about the students and don’t even try to do their best. Those teachers really irritate me.

>>Best thing you remember about your kindergarten?

No worries for studies or future. 🙂

>>If you are given chance to be president/ prime minster for one day, what would you do to set an example?

No idea. I thought a lot for this. My mind goes blank at that. So leaving this as it is. Not because I don’t have issues that support or that needs to be solved. But I am that sort of person who just beliefs that I cannot put my belief and my values on someone else. (Every reasonable point has an equally reasonable counter-point).

kji

Edited on 27 Feb 2018

Some time ago (a month ago,  to be precise) Moyatori nominated be for Mysterious Blogger Award. I am really thankful to her for nominating me for this award. She has a lovely blog and she writes so good that you would regret not have found her soon. So do visit her blog. 🙂

Though this post is coming a bit late, but I hope my feelings of gratitude reach you regardless of my delay.

I am not entirely sure what Mysterious Blogger Award means and I am equally not sure whether I can be considered “mysterious”. But I like it’s sound and vibe. 🙂 I wish I was that mysterious though (would have been cool).

Here is the link to the post:

https://moyatorium.wordpress.com/2018/01/20/demystifying-the-mysterious-an-award-post-actually/

Now here is the main reason that it took me so much time to do this post. Most of the questions were on kale (about which I have no idea- ignorant me) and I procastinated this soooo much thinking I would have better answers. But sadly I don’t. I googled it and found it is something like cabbage and I do not have much thoughts on cabbage. So I decided on a workaround for this. I am going to replace kale with chocolate. (Moyatori this is the first time I was clueless how to answer the questions, really impressed with you 🙂 )

Here are the answers to the questions (again I would like to mention that I am skipping rest of the rules due to reasons mentioned above):

>>What’s your opinion on kale chocolate?
I love chocolate, who doesn’t. (Many don’t and I know that fact but let’s just play along with this). I like dark chocolate more though. The only chocolate I hate is….(don’t hate me for this)…milk chocolate. Even if I try to persuade my tongue into thinking, this is also chocolate, it is same. But my tongue is like, “You can’t fool me”. I have tried to like it, I have failed, I accept my defeat.

>>If you have to eat kale chocolate, how would you prepare it?
I like chocolate in anything, in any form. I can’t make up my mind for this, it all depends on my mood.

>>Would you rather: kale chocolate salad or kale chocolate smoothie?
Both. I am really greedy when it comes to chocolate (and ice cream as well). I haven’t had chocolate salad though, would definitely like to try that. (I hope chocolate salad exists)

>>If somebody buys you a kale-green chocolate brown sweater for Christmas, would you wear it?
Definitely.

>>What’s the longest time you’ve been in love for?
Longest time…. 7 years till…and still counting. So let’s see how long this last. (The over-dramatic romantic heart of mine wants it to be forever 🙂 )

So fun facts:

  • I was almost about to make a new post for this, cause my stupid brain realized it really late that “mystery blogger award” and “mysterious blogger award ” are basically same. And I realized it only when I google the creator  of this award to mention them in the post.
  • I am still wondering was replacing kale with chocolate a good move. Not sure. Forgive me. 😦

kji

Edited on 9 April 2018

I was  nominated by HemasSphere for this award. I am really thankful to her for consider my blog worth remembering. Means a lot. Do check out her lovely blog. 🙂

Here is the link to her post:

https://hemassphere.wordpress.com/2018/03/15/nominated-for-the-mystery-blogger-award/

Here are my answers to the questions (really tough questions) that she asked:

>>If you had the ability to speak and let people know of your thoughts the first day you were born, what would you say and to whom?

“Not this again”. That’s what I would say. 🙂

>>If you were given a choice to live on moon, would you take it? And would you go alone or take someone with you? And who would you take along, if you chose to and why?

I don’t want to go to moon. When I imagine myself outside earth anywhere in space, I feel a kind of dread. I don’t have a good feeling for it. So yeah I will probably stay here only.

>> If you had a choice to be invisible for a day, what would you do?

I would just mind my own business with the relief that no one can judge me now. Other than that I never had much interest in the power of becoming invisible. On the other hand, I always liked Mystique’s power (from X-Men), that is something interesting , to mimic someone’s appearance. Even though I may not have any use for this power, but I think it is a really cool power. (Now I have strayed too far from the question, as I normally end up doing)

>>Is there that 1 word which you hate using and hate to hear people use it? What is that 1 word?

The word that I hate most and that irritates me always is : “hmm”. This annoyance increases exponentially in text conversation. The moment someone says hmm, I feel like saying my goodbye’s to them for forever, and never talking to them again. To me it sounds like: “Whatever, as if I was listening to you. This is the most convenient thing to say especially when I have not been paying attention/ wants this conversation to end as soon as possible”.

>>As a writer, what would be that you want to tell the world often?

To appreciate the world and it’s beauty irrespective of the issue and problem in your life. If we stay alive through all the struggles in life and never realize that the world we lived the whole time, it would be really a waste.

kji

Edited on 12 March 2019

In the month of June last year (2018), FrejaTravels nominated me for this award.
And as you can see I have taken a lot of time to reply to that. But better late than never.
I am have really grateful that they nominated me for this award. It really means a lot to me, that they remembered my blog.
Here is link to the post:

Mystery Award

Do visit their awesome blog. You’d love it.

So here are my answers to the the questions from FrejaTravels:

>>What is your dream vacation destinations?

Now this changes from time to time. If you had asked me this question some years ago I might have answered something else. But as of now, since I am  watching too many Korean and Japanese movies and dramas, so I would go to these two countries, to visit all the places I have seen on screen. Also, major and most important reason for my wish to go there is BTS concert. I want to attend one of their concert before I die. And it doesn’t seem they are coming to India anywhere in near future.

(BTS concert: This is where I want to be)

>>What is your favorite food?

Maggi noodles. Not sure if everyone would get what it is though. It is a noodle by Nestle company. Maybe I like it so much because that was the only thing that could be considered as junk food in my childhood. And the only junk food in my life was very dear to me. Then another favorite dish- Ice Cream

>> Will you go to the Moon if there is no future for human on earth?

I want to say “no”, but I am not sure, being near death can change a person’s thinking or point of view about life. I am never confident on how I would react in such situations. But staying in my comfort zone, I would answer “no”.

>> What type of books do you read the most?

I mostly read fiction. Preferably with good plot, awesome dialogues, a likable character/character I can root for/character I can relate to, or the stories with beautiful philosophical reflections.

>> Are you happy?

I am pretty much happy in life. I am more happy than I deserve to be.

kji

So that’s all I have got. Thank you once again for all who have nominated me for this award. I am ever grateful to you, to have provided me with little more confidence in myself (however short-lived that maybe).

“FRIGHTENED”- Nayana Nair

alone

I roam around these empty rooms,

this silent hallway.

And I am frightened.

Not frightened of loneliness or ghosts.

I am frightened of my response to this solitude.

I am frightened to see every fraction of me relax.

I am frightened of how calm my mind is,

how confident and powerful it feels.

3

I am frightened to know that any place can be my home

if it is mine and only mine.

I am frightened that this solitude

that gives me everything I want;

will take me far far way from

the people I love.

I am frightened that I love this loneliness so much

that I might always be alone.

The Real Neat Blog Awards

Thank you The Shimmer Within Her for nominating me for this award.

(https://theshimmerwithinher.com/2016/10/27/the-real-neat-blog-award/)

real

I am glad and honored that you considered me worthy for this award. (When I get an award, what never fails to amazes me is someone actually remembers about my blog, thank you 🙂 )

ii

The Rules:

  • Thank and link the blogger who nominated you.
  • Answer the questions asked.
  • Nominate 7 more bloggers for the award (it’s nice to advise them independently)
  • Create seven questions for your Nominees.

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Answers of questions asked:

Name one person who has helped you become the person you are today.

I think that would be my sister (Nikitha). She has been a source of joy in my life and my constant support. She is 3 years younger than me and could write better than me (if she puts her mind to it, which she won’t). I have posted some of her writing on my blog under the category “Fragmented Thoughts” I admire how she always wants to learn something new. She keeps me sane and I am ever grateful to her for that. 🙂

How did you decide on the name of your blog?

I actually had some other name in my mind (which was already taken). This name is from first line from a tamil song “Nenjukkul Peidhidum”, a beautiful song from movie “Varnam Aaayiram”

How would you describe your style?

I am going to assume this is in relation to my writing.(I have no style otherwise). I can never write on my will. Most of the time, I am just staring at blank page. I think poem just happen. I love poems that rhyme, but I rarely use rhyme in my poem . Mostly due to the fact that when I try to put rhyme, it doesn’t seem honest to me. I will be introducing lines that disturb or somehow don’t belong to that poem, in order to rhyme. I am never sure whether what I write classifies as poem. I think my style is just honest writing , waiting for a poem to come to me.

What is your favourite dessert?

That would be ice-cream and gulab jamun.

How do you like to relax?

Reading novels, listening to songs and sleeping

Describe yourself in 3 words.

Stubborn, Bookworm and Curious

Who was the last person you said ‘Thank you’ to and why?

That would be my mentor at work. For plugging my laptop charger (the socket was near to her and I was not able to reach it)

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My questions:

  1. Who is your best friend and what do you love about him/her ?
  2. Most scared you have ever been?
  3. One thing you could change about yourself?
  4. Your most precious belonging?
  5. One childhood memory?
  6. What irritates you?
  7. What do you love most about WordPress?
  8. Are you the person, you always wanted to be?
  9. Worst nightmare ever?
  10. Friendship or Love? Which is more important to you?
  11. Your best quality?

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My nominees are:

JB McPayne

extremesofunknownshadows

O Shaggy Re

Peace, Love and Patchouli

Leonard Durso

How Useful It Is

Noora

 

Thank you The Shimmer Within Her once again for nominating me. 🙂

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Edited info on 4 May 2017

yuhublogger has nominated me for this wonderful award. I am thankful that you thought of my blog and considered it worthy of attention. Thanks a lot.

Here is a link for the related post. (A good place to start to know more about yuhublogger and the wonderful blog )

https://yuhublogger.wordpress.com/2017/05/02/awards-and-tags/

As I have once got this award, I’d directly proceed to answer the tough and interesting questions asked 🙂

1) Why did you start blogging?
I have no idea why I started blogging. I think I was just curious as to what blogging is.Just wanted to try it out once. 🙂

2) What is the one change you see in yourself after you started your blog?
I think I have become more consistent in writing first. Earlier, I didn’t write much. I used to write 2-3 poems in an year. Then compared to earlier, most posts are my own writings.

3) When do you write the best? I mean, is it when you are sad and moody or cheerful and happy?

I write best when I am sad. I am incapable of writing when I am too happy. But I am mostly sad, not because I have something to be sad about. That is just my natural state. I think I was born sad. It’s something that I cannot do anything about. I don’t know  whether it is good thing or not. But since I can write more, maybe it’s a good thing only.

4) Are your stories/poems happy ones or sad ones, predominantly? Do you think it tells something about the emotions you are going through?

My poems are mostly very sad. Sometimes they are so depressing that I feel like   throwing them away. I don’t want my poems to be sad. But what to do. That’s all I can write.
Once in a blue moon, I do write about something happy or hopeful or something neutral. But most of it is just sad. What I write about is not necessarily about my emotions. Sometimes it can be sadness of someone I know, of some fictional character in my mind or even of some character from a movie/ novel. I think I am sadness magnet. I am attracted to everything sad. My heart can relate to all kinds of sadness. My answers are so depressing 😦 😦 😦
Ideally what I want to write about are struggles of humans, their feeling, about beauty of love and faith and how fortunate we to be here and have people who love us and whom we love. And how beautiful all of this is. But I am incapable of doing that right now. Maybe one day I will write about this.

5) What is the best comment you’ve received on your blog so far?
Though I have received such sweet comments over these years. This community has been very kind to me and motivated me a lot to write. But as of now, recent comments that I can recall are these two, that are too good to be true. Sometimes I can’t accept  myself that such praise was said about my writing 🙂 But thanks a lot for everyone  who has helped me to write better and who have given me that little confidence for  one more day at least.

 

george agak     (for poem : Dreaming of Love

I’m envious, believe me. you have a way to weave words in vivid images that make your poems living things.

 I read this as Natalie’s re-blog yesterday when I was in a hurry. Maybe it got into my subconscious, because, today, I cried twice, after not having cried in a couple weeks at least. Tonight, I came upon this post again, read it more carefully, and was so comforted by the reminder and affirmation that I’m not losing my mind or being weak. Just processing grief.

 

Thank you yuhublogger for nominating me for this award. I am glad my blog crossed your mind. 🙂 Thanks a lot dear.

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Three Day Quote Challenge- Day 3

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Day 3:

“We are inseparable from our deepest want and fear: to be seen as we are.”

-Part-broken,Part-whole (https://mentalexotica.wordpress.com/2016/02/25/everything-is-for-you-2/)

This quote is from one of my favorite blogs of all time. I just love each and every line this writer (Luna, that’s her name on Twitter) has ever written. It was so difficult to chose this one specifically. I admire her writing a lot.

This quote always reminds me of how we can fear what we want. How they can be the same thing. If I speak for myself, I am always suffering this dilemma when I write anything. I want to be heard, to be understood. I want to put my abstract feelings into something more concrete. Sometimes what I write is not what I feel, but what I suppose or imagine a person would feel. But at the same time there are so many lines I cross out, so many lines I would prefer no one reads, cause it reveals too much about me or my thinking. Confessional writing is something I guess I can (will) never do. I am too afraid to be actually heard or seen for what I am. But I can’t stop writing (even if I am very bad at it).

6

Here we are at the end of 3 days quote challenge. I am glad that you liked the quotes I shared. But as you may have notice I missed out on giving nominees for the challenges in my previous post (somehow I forgot about that) . So time for nominees for this challenge :

Noora

Bonnywood Manor

Poet Rummager

arjun_shivaram

April’s Perspective

M.Gin

Quotes and More

Once again thank you O’Shine ORIGINAL once again for nominating me for this challenge.

 

 

Three Day Quote Challenge- Day 2

thornlands-08may09-bible-001

 

Day 2:

“I am but a poet, I create all that I am not.”

– Karen Hayward (https://blossomsworld.wordpress.com/2016/10/25/i-am-not-beauty/)

This quote underlines so many things that I believe and feel about poetry. Although, I read almost anything I can get my hands on and love reading, but poems are much more closer to my heart. I believe this quote applies not only for poets, but for anyone who writes. There is something so satisfying about creating something. (For me, the process of creating is better than the final result; I am never satisfied with what I write, so much that I can never call myself a poet with surety) I had once heard this (I do not remember the source):” Somethings are there which seem illogical. They are not illogical, they are just beyond logic“. That is what I feel about poetry. Poems are beyond logic. They have a way of creating home in your heart, without being noticed. A way to reveal your thought, but also a medium behind which you can hide. What I love most about poems are how they can mean so much more. Same poem can have so many meanings. I believe what an individual takes from a poem, interprets a poem says a lot about that person. I love how one poem can have so many alternate meanings (meanings that even the poet would not have thought of).

“Not Mine”- Nayana Nair

face

In an unguarded moment

I saw what it is, to not see myself.

The fogged up mirror

didn’t let my reflection reach me.

And what reached me was

just a picture colored out of lines.

The more I looked at my obscured face,

the more I was convinced

that the faces was not mine.

The more I was convinced of the face being a stranger’s,

more easier it was for me to love and accept it.

If I could see myself as someone else

how easier it would be to live my life.

Not knowing what I know about myself,

not knowing what I think.

To  be what I am and what I am not at the same time.

How easier it would be , if this is

what I saw in mirror everyday.

How beautiful can be not knowing, not seeing.

Only smudged shades of colors.

A face not mine.