“Adjective”- Nayana Nair

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He may have thought
that I looked self-obsessed,
which I am.
She may have thought
that I am bitter with life,
which is true.
My friend once thought I am cold.
Now she believes I am kind.
She was wrong then.
She is wrong now.
For all the adjective that they
they found to replace me
were either misleading
or unnecessary.
None of those words were me.
But they don’t know how to define me,
categorize me,
love me
without those words.

“Guide to living in cage” – Nayana Nair

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Feign innocence.
Indulge in their views.
Do not make you life
a contradiction to theirs.
Utter false words of underdstanding.
And they will let you be.
They do not have much ambition.
They simply want to rule
your words and action.
Your thoughts at least belong to you.
and they will continue to
till you manage to survive.
Give in to their ways.
Live your life in that cage.
So that you may be free in your thoughts.

“Blue Sunsets” – Nayana Nair

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There is a blue tinted haze
to the memories of you,
that have a habit of changing colors,
of disintegrating,
before get to grasp them.
I have lost many words.
I have forgotten words you once said
and now a silent motion picture
runs in my head,
where your eyes question me,
why I do not understand.
I have lost many days.
I have no recall of the
collection of hours and seconds
that you will never forget.
But still I am at peace
to have you,
and to loose your memories.
To have this blank beautiful room,
that you can paint forever
in the colors you want,
while I look out dazed
into the sunset,
fearing the day
my memories would return.

“Apples” – Nayana Nair

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As she hands me a slice of peeled apples,
I wonder how many people
she has fed.
How many felt the gratitude for it,
only for the time its taste
lasted on their tongue.
What it must feel like,
peeling apples for your daughter
while she is slowly peeling you away
from her life.
Unknowingly and ruthlessly,
looking for something
better out there.
While she hurls words like
“You won’t ever understand”.
But she must be used to it now
getting used to this hurt
is maybe the only way to survive love.

“With Time” – Nayana Nair

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I learnt with time
that I could write everything I had in me
and still it would not matter.
No clever lines, no rhymes I think up
can affect the life around me,
where people are indifferent
to what I do , what I say
and especially what I write.
And no matter what I do,
this distance I have from this world,
cannot be bridged my mere words.
And if it can’t be done through words,
I am convinced, it can’t be done at all.

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I learnt with time
that everyone is lonely.
But only few are cursed
to remember this fact
every time they wake up
to a morning that
they never look forward to.

“For my own sake” – Nayana Nair

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While I read,
the string of worlds,
the ribbon of words,
gets broken, gets tainted
by my own skewed perspective of world.
I don’t see other’s story
as a story.
I see them as manuals,
as guides,
to solve my own life.
My mind replaces each word
each face, each sorrow
with my own.
Till I no longer know
whose sorrow is it,
that fills me up and weighs me down,
whose memories
blurs my sight.

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What is written and what I read
are most often not the same.
And if ever
stories were meant to
understand this world.
I have not done it.
Every word I read,
every page I turned
was for my own sake.

“It didn’t matter” – Nayana Nair

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When love, friendship and family
were no big words
just words, like any other words
and it didn’t matter
which one mattered more,
which one came first,
it didn’t matter
what loyalty is , what betrayal is.

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When I didn’t know these words
things didn’t hurt so much.
When I didn’t know these words
I loved my friends better,
I loved my family better.
Without looking for anything more than
simple peasure of their company
and single prayer of their well being.

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But when these words
were laid out on paper,
on my heart,
along with conditions,
they seemed like an agreement,
a selfish transaction.
And I was no longer sure
whether I wanted any of it.

“I hope you believe” – Nayana Nair

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I hope you believe
when I say that
I am not good with words.
For I could fill pages
without giving it a second thought.
But I was never able to say
what needs to be said.
I could never tell anyone
what they mean to me.
I can never tell what I am thinking
without jumbling up my thoughts.
When you wanted to hear
simple words from me
I could never offer them.
I can give words to my sadness,
to my despair and my disappointments.
But I have no words in my mind
for any happiness.
Never had to use any.
Know that you make me happy.
That’s all I can say.
I hope you believe
when I say
I am not good with happiness.

Black Cat Blue Sea Award

So this month I got my second blogging award (yipee…). So happy. 🙂

I don’t think I will ever be able to handle the awards calmly. My only reaction is and can be hysterical happiness and excitement. (I guess I am too childish 🙂 )

I came to know yesterday that fauxcroft has nominated me for Black Cat Blue Sea award. I am so so thankful for that. I am happy that my blog crossed you mind while listing the nomination

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https://fauxcroft.wordpress.com/2016/09/28/black-cat-blue-sea-award/

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What is the Black Cat Sea Award?

“This is for bloggers who strive to write for everybody and no matter how many viewers they get make an impact on the reader. This award is an expression of gratitude to the nominee. It should be awarded to anybody that you choose deserves it and it doesn’t mean that they must have hundreds of followers and likes” – Ella

The Rules

  1. Anyone nominated can nominate eight other bloggers.
  2. The nominees answers 3 questions posed by the nominator.
  3. The questions you ask while nominating can be any 3 questions
  4. If any of the questions asked are offensive or the nominee simply does not want to answer, the nominee does not have to answer them to earn the award

And…the questions….

  1. What are your all time 5 favourite quotes.
  2. If you had a different name, would you be a different person
  3. What is your favourite music/song? please give me a link to listen to your faves!

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Answer Time 🙂

  1. Five Favorite Quotes:

“More tears have been shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones.” -Truman Capote

“What a treacherous thing it is to believe that a person is more than a person” – John Green (Paper Town)

“Moment after moment, I will seize my wrist and beg the violence of my pulse to cease”- mentalexotica.wordpress.com

“Man is like a goat tied to a pole. Meaning all of us have some free will but not too much. One shouldn’t judge oneself harshly”-Arvind Adiga (Last Man in Tower)

“Here in the dark I sit, I who so loved the sun”-Robert Service William (The Sightless Man)

2. If I had a different name , maybe I would have been different person. Not so sure. My name is Nayana . Alternate spelling in India for same name is ‘Naina’. And there have been some characters in certain Bollywood movies with that name. And most of them coincidentally have similar personality..studious, serious, cheerful at heart, most have specs (And obviously in all these stories, there comes along a hero, that makes her realize how fun can life be..and suddenly there is a total personality change..).

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So, I am somewhat like that (minus the good looks, god was not so generous on me 🙂 ). And above that there have been very beautiful songs on my name…So I just love my name 🙂

3. Favorite songs (and their links)

Since my favorite song list is too long, I am trying to name here only the ones that are coming to my mind right now.

Tum Ho (from Rockstar) (Hindi)

Malare (Premam) (Malayalam)

Innum Konjam Neram (Maryan)(Tamil)

Lost Stars- Adam Levine (Begin Again)

Words- Passenger

 

My Nominees:

https://mentalexotica.wordpress.com/

https://poetgirlem.wordpress.com/

https://randomsbyarandom.wordpress.com/

https://thepoetrychannel.wordpress.com/

https://jehonathaqi.com

https://lauriesnotes.com/

https://pathsofthespirit.wordpress.com/

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Once again, fauxcroft thank you so much for nominating me for this award.

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Edited info on 25 Nov, 2016:

How Useful It Is nominated me for this award on Nov 8, 2016. Thanls a lot for nominating me for this award. Very glad that my blog crossed your mind.

https://howusefulitis.wordpress.com/2016/11/08/the-black-cat-blue-sea-award/

Since I have got this award already. I will be answering her questions here.

1) Do you blog because you love to write or because you love to read?

I love to read more than writing. So, reading blogs of all you wonderful people is the actually more interesting that writing itself.
2) Do you want to meet any of your blog friends in real life? or keep it virtual?

I am not so sure of that. I am not good with people. But, yes, I think it would be nice to meet some of you.
3) How many social medias do you join to support your blog?

None. I have not yet joined any social media to support my blog. One of primary reasons would be that I prefer that people who know me in actual life don’t see my blog (exceptions are there), so I try not to promote my blog. But I do give a link of it on some sites, just because I am too proud of having this blog. 🙂

Thank you once again for nominating me.

“PLAYGROUNDS”-Nayana Nair

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The breaths not taken are accumulating.

It mixes with the tears not shed.

Creates a poison that lingers in my thought

but doesn’t flow into my blood.

To keep me barely alive to suffer.

Suffer from a poison of my own making.

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Slowly I forget

one small detail at a time.

I realize it only when I see this gap in memory

that my frail imagination fails to fill.

Words are slipping out of my hands.

My thoughts are no longer mine.

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All the parks have become graveyards.

Where tomorrow died a slow, slow death.

And it slips into an even slower decay.