“The promise to go on” – Nayana Nair

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“You are already past that point” whispers
my the body buried in my head. So, I put down the pen
and take up the shovel, take to the dirt,
I plant my ears in the soil, and hear the music
of skin becoming light on the other side
as silence heals everything. The oracle and sage
and the murderer in me play the game of holding back,
now that I am here with my attention and violence,
and the will to smother myself again.
I wait till the afternoon sun plants water in my skin.
Soon I will be an ocean. Soon I will be buried
by the other me outside, the impatient me,
who wants to get things done, want to make things hers.
I look up and hug back the dirt and prayer and rest
that my other body is offering me. I hear things,
and know the life ahead, I see the blood I am running towards
but she buys my silence with a promise.
The promise to go on in my stead.