love?
no,
i suffer from no such thing.
even if i do,
that is an easy illness.
there are delusions that i can buy
that can ease all these pains of affection.
if nothing else,
my lover and my heart
knows all the lies, that can put me to sleep
even when my world burns.
loneliness?
maybe,
it could be one of the things that i do not know
how to get around.
self-doubt?
yeah, probably that’s the reason
why i feel lonely even when i am not.
no there are no bad people in my life.
all of them are too good and too sweet.
though there are loud voices of arguments
in the middle of night
and things i wish had never seen or heard,
there are threats of abandonment,
there are days when we end up playing this game
where no can hear what i say-
it is not much fun for me, but i hope they enjoy it.
i need to be a bit fun, to keep everyone around.
but it is nothing serious,
nothing I cannot ignore.
i need to leave though.
uncomfortable?
no,
not at all.
just things that i must get back to,
life that i must live,
people i should bow to,
who never ask me how i’ve been.
so i’ll get going if you don’t mind.
don’t be sorry that you couldn’t help.
it rains in my heart 
You know … you really are very good at this …
Thank you so much 🙂 😀
There have been times in my life when I have felt lonely in company
Same here.
I have had many friends who never knew much about me nor have they ever told much about themselves. It is almost that for namesake we build this circle of people around us and when we really need someone, we cannot even reach out. I believe it would have been same for the other person as well.
But I guess that is just a part of life, that we get used to with time. And end up finding some value in these relation, however short lived and shallow they might be.
It is very difficult to find and be with people who really see and hear us.
You echoed through my thoughts. I am not a particularly outspoken person myself. In a way that makes me lonely. But in a way that makes me happy too. Instead of forceful social participation involving mindless chit-chat that adds no value to life.
Same here.
“Forceful social participation”- sounds like the story of my life. 🙂 I hate making small talk and talking just to fill up silences seems like an awful waste of effort. I like company of people who can actually understand what I say and for whom it actually matters. Not only because it is a socially acceptable thing to nod along. It does get bit lonely because of that, but we do get used to that loneliness. Because faking that we all understand and care each other is more sad than being lonely.
Really glad that you liked my work 🙂 Thank you 🙂