You stand beside the fire” – Nayana Nair

In the rubble with nerves hiding sparks,in the nest of sleeping explosives,again it is you.Again you are here to prove somethingby doing something unasked for. You build a place for warm tea,for all our shivering ghosts to haunt.You place the chairs that are not chairsbut buckets that cannot hold anything now.There are chairs that areContinue reading “You stand beside the fire” – Nayana Nair”

“Even when things are right” – Nayana Nair

“The sky is your canvas”,the book to all ailments said,“there is a joy in filling it up with life.”But as I finished my 157th sketch,as I finished my 300th one,as I finished the one with no count attached(the one I called “the limits that were stronger than me”),as I write over all that I hadContinue reading ““Even when things are right” – Nayana Nair”

“But more than love” – Nayana Nair

But more than loveI needed to feel that I am human,that my heart and its piecesand its tentacles struggling to get a grip on meare a story everyone’s bored of. I needed to know that I am fine.As fine,as normalas the person who doesn’t meet my eyes.That I could look up from the sinking ground.Continue reading ““But more than love” – Nayana Nair”

“The only way to be complete” – Nayana Nair

I sit on the cold boulderand film everything, just like I am told.I am told, only for today,I should stop sewing myself up haphazardly,messing up the live-stream,and talking about things that will never happen.I have been told to put a holdon the wonderful manipulation that does no goodto any effort my mind putsin fixing thingsContinue reading ““The only way to be complete” – Nayana Nair”

“I am afraid of the ones who still see hope in me” – Nayana Nair

They are beautiful peoplewith beautiful heartand they really want to mend meand that’s scary. It is scarybecause I can’t seem to feellove or gratitudefor anyone who affirmsthat I am as bad as I imagined myself to be. It is scarybecause my disease knows meand my cure doesn’t.And the better life sounds like hellto my brokenContinue reading ““I am afraid of the ones who still see hope in me” – Nayana Nair”

“50 goodbyes a day” – Nayana Nair

There are no dances waiting for us,no innocent moments of sunlight,no darkness or headlights striking our windows,nothing worth the wait.We are stranded here in this life.We are stranded on a planetfar away from our home-a home that becomes more and more beautiful,the more we are convinced there is no way back. Here the days areContinue reading ““50 goodbyes a day” – Nayana Nair”

“the broken-hearted” – Nayana Nair

the broken-hearted know no lovefor anything or anyonethat is not the one breaking their heart.they see through you.even when they say hellothey almost get your name wrong,you can tell it from the look in their eyes.they drink and fill every room with songsthat were not so hard to bearwhen they were just noises that radioContinue reading ““the broken-hearted” – Nayana Nair”

“Hope you feel the same” – Nayana Nair

I read about the life you left behind.About the days when love couldn’t protect anyone.Days when there rose a necessary evil in you.It seems once you were good enough to fall for the traps that I live in.I wish I had known the fragile you,but maybe it is all for the best,for my cruelty walksContinue reading ““Hope you feel the same” – Nayana Nair”

“The Noise of Empty Heart” – Nayana Nair

I close your heart.I stitch you backin a same haphazard wayI do almost everything in life.The same way I knocked down every clumsy fragile landmarkthat could have actually helped me at the end. From your mouth I have come to knowthat my hopes are tied to the throats of my saviors.That you are disgusted asContinue reading ““The Noise of Empty Heart” – Nayana Nair”

“Pillar” – Nayana Nair

I do not know how to help you. I am used to relying on you,to make everything right. You are supposed to be the strongest one.Or were you always like this? Was your strength a make-belief, my excusefor not caring, for not doing anything. I do not know how to hold your handwhen you refuseContinue reading ““Pillar” – Nayana Nair”