“What have my eyes lost sight of ?” – Nayana Nair

As I sing your praise
I end up recalling
how I used to look at you
as if you could save me.
But now we stare at each other
while my life remains what it is.
I don’t call it a mess now,
to get some sympathy out of you,
to get a miracle out of you.
I don’t call it a blessing
just so that you would know
that I appreciate what you gave me
and hope to get a little bit more.

One song, one hymn after another.
I play at the seams of my skirt.
I pick at the skin that I once was.
“is this how we lose ourselves?”,
I want to ask you.
“is this we become who we are,
by cracking and crumbling invisibly,
the moment to mourn-lost forever,
the innumerable funerals no one grieved at,
is this why growing up is painful for all?”.

Instead of prayers
I come to you with only questions.
Instead of your forgiveness
I end up asking your understanding
for what I have done and what I have become.

9 Comments

  1. So sad Nayana. There are some wonderful phrases in this poem. Like “innumerable funerals no one grieved at.” That says so much. Lots of love to you Nayana.

    1. Thank you dear. I am glad that you noticed those lines. (That line made me sad even as I wrote them 😦 ) Means a lot. 🙂
      Lots of love to you as well dear 🙂

      1. Yes, the line made me feel sad too, as it reminded me of so many things. Bless you Nayana.

    1. True. You have put in words that so beautifully. I had this vague feeling, which you could point out for what it is.
      I wonder if those who are not certain of who they are, whether they are looking for the certainty or do they fear it.

      1. I am glad I made sense. As for the uncertain, I join you in wondering.
        On a different note, fear manifests itself by finding reasons to reinforce it, that certainty it seeks when the proverbial horror story heroine enters the dark room against all logic.

      2. “fear manifests itself by finding reasons to reinforce it”- beautiful thought. I think that is so true. But as you said, against all the facts, all out previous experience, the proverbial horror story heroine at some points decided to enter the dark room. 🙂

      3. Yeah my advice to Nayana is be the heroine but stay away from those rooms, you may find strange things like ESP in one 🙂

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